I can’t believe you’d do this to me. I thought we were forever. You left me hanging. I caught you fucking a girl – a damn woman of all things! And you can’t say it was an accident, don’t even try. At least she made you happy – you never seemed content around me. Maybe it was because you were only in it for the sex that I never gave you.

So here I stand on this dilapidated bridge, standing on the railing, wondering why broken hearts eventually lead to death. I hear a rustle in the bushes and nearly fall in fright. You appear, your face pale. I can tell your heart is beating out of rhythm, faster than normal. I could always read you like a book, inside and out. You make your way to me, acting like you’re stuck in a cage with a hurt and frightened animal. I’m sure your apprehensiveness is caused by my mad cackling, the dead look I know is evident in my honey-coloured orbs.

“Ryan, sweetie, get down from there, please.” You, reduced to begging? That only makes me laugh harder. I tighten the grip I have on the support beam, staring you down, seeing nothing but fear reflected in your chocolate eyes. You were always the prettier one, weren’t you, Brenny-boy?

“Why should I?” I know you already know why I’m up here – you saw me standing transfixed and horrified at catching you with that slut. You just step closer, holding out your arms, and damn boy, you know I would love to just jump into them and fall to pieces. But I can’t. You’re tainted with the scent of her.

“Because, damn Ry, I love you. Okay? I’ve never stopped. What you saw earlier was... Fuck, I don’t know. I’m still a teenager, I still have testosterone pumping through my veins. You know that as well as I do.” You hands have dropped, one running your slender, bony fingers through your hair, the soft locks I was playing with not twenty-four hours before.

“Brendon, you were cheating on me with a girl!” I counter, the maniacal laughter turning into sobs nearly instantly. All the emotion I’ve been bottling up for the past hour coming out in a rush of tears.

“Well, if you go, I’m going too. You can’t leave me, Ry.”

“Yes I can.”

“No, you can’t. What about our planned life together? Weren’t we going to tell Spence and Jon today? Come on, Ryan. Get down from there.” And oh god there are tears streaming down your face and we must make a pair. I look between the rushing water beneath my feet, then back to you. The wind kicks up, my hair in my face, my mouth, my eyes and damn, I just want to see you. I want you to hold me and kiss me and love me like no other. I feel a pair of strong arms around my waist and I know it’s you without even looking, just by the tingles sent through my body at the feel of you so close to me. I let you lift me down, let you carry me back to the bus, whispering sweet nothings as I sob into your neck, clutching at the cloth that covers our chest. And I know that I can’t leave you ever again.

Well. If Jamie wanted me on on Friday, then I'm going to whine because he's not online. *huff* The loser. Oh well. I can't even call him, I might interrup something and make people mad. I don't like that. Oh well. Ehhh. My brother's trying to play with my uncle's cat behind me. It's *really* uber annoying. BLAH.

So I'm a ghost in espanola today. It kinda sucks. But there is the Superbowl... Yay?! *blink* I don't know. Blaaaaaah I want my jamiekins!

More whining soon.